Fan Fiction
by Sorciere
Summary: Bad X-men movie-verse humor.
1. I'll Never Ever Look At A Fanfic Drinkin...

Disclaimer: Me + Don't own = Marvel + Don't sue.  
Summary: While the Professor is out of town, the X-gang gets their hands on a bunch of fan   
fiction...and a fan fiction drinking game...  
WARNING: Total character assassination & general chaos.  
Classification: Sillyfic  
Pairing: R/L, J/S  
Rating: PG...I think.   
Feedback: Oh yes, oh yes, oh YES!!! (that means, "of cause I want feedback!").   
Mail it to hack_heaven@usa.net   
  
~...~ indicates telepathy.   
  
  
Fan Fiction  
(- Or "I'll never, ever look at a fanfic drinking game again!")  
  
By Sorcieré  
  
  
"Oh mah GAWD!!!" Rogue put her hands over her mouth, but didn't look away from the computer   
screen.  
Logan noticed her grin and got curious.  
"Whatcha readin', Darlin'?" He asked, then got a good look at the screen. He raised an eyebrow.  
"Creative", he remarked, summing it up pretty nicely.  
He put his lips next to Rogue's ear.  
"I wonder if it'd work?" He whispered seductively.   
Rogue didn't get a chance to answer as Jean Grey, Cyclops and Storm stepped into the room.  
"What on Earth are you reading?" Jean asked. "I could feel your amusement from the other end of   
the school."  
Rogue quickly found another story.  
"Fan fiction", she answered.   
"Fan fiction?" Scott asked.  
"Yeah. Y'all wouldn't behlieve the things thay write!"  
The other three X-Men walked over to look at the screen as well.  
Cyclops skimmed the page.  
"I did _not_ propose to Jean dressed in a chicken suit!!!" He declared halfway through the story.  
"Just wait, it'll get even better", Rogue giggled.  
Storm's eyes widened as she read on. Then she sent Cyclops a funny look. He looked back at her   
suspiciously.  
"What?" He demanded.   
Storm giggled, and Logan grinned gleefully.  
"Well, I haven't heard of blue paint, a sponge, a shower and two yellow spandex uniforms   
combined in _that_ way before", Jean remarked.  
"Whoever wrote this certainly didn't lack creativity", Storm said, trying to hide a grin.  
Scott shook his head and sighed.  
"You got that one right."  
Logan noticed Storm's amusement and decided to have some fun, too.  
"Hey, 'Ro. Ya gonna love this", he said and clicked on another fic.  
Storm's laugh stopped very suddenly. Scott, though, actually managed to grin.  
"Me and Creed?" Storm said disbelieving.  
"Me and SABERTOOTH?!?" She repeated, a crash of thunder empathising each of her words.   
"And just when I thought the hurricane season was over", Jean complained as the wind picked up.  
Outside, hails the size of tennis-balls began to fall.  
"Ya know, 'Ro, I don't think ya garden's gonna like those ice-balls", Logan remarked. Rogue   
quickly found another page and, almost reluctantly, Storm stopped the hails and the wind.  
"This one seems pretty harmless", Scott said. Then he paled. "On second thought..."  
"Bad mental picture!!" Rogue agreed. "That was something Ah did NOT want to know!"  
"You know, I don't think I'll ever be able to look Bobby and Gambit in the eyes again and keep a   
straight face", Jean remarked as she found yet another fic.  
"Ah don't think 'straight' is the word Ah'd use..."  
Logan quickly choked a grin.   
"Aren't there _anything_ that is just fairly normal?" Scott asked.  
"Ummm...Ah don't think you'd like the NC-17 section", Rogue said, and, after Scott's glance,   
quickly added: "Not that I would know where it is."  
"How about this one?" Jean asked.  
"Bad idea", Rogue warned, but neither Jean nor Scott listened to her.  
"What?!" Cyclops exclaimed. "Whoever wrote this actually think I'd leave Jean for a Mary Sue??   
And a badly written one, on top of that!"  
"Ah warned ya..."  
"Goddess knows I have seen a lot of Mary Sues in my life, but this one takes the prize," Storm   
remarked.  
"Where'd we leave that 'checklist'?" Logan grumbled as he dug through a stack of papers. "Here   
we go.  
"Rogue grabbed the list from him.  
"'Her past it tied to Logan's or Gambit's.'", she read.  
"Check...another one with adamantium-claws. How original", Logan growled.   
"'She is beautiful, graceful, has unusual physical features, speaks several languages and is usually a   
good singer. She is often a better fighter than the entire X-men team combined.'"  
"Check...and she's protected by a God."  
Rogue raised an eyebrow.  
"That's a new one. 'Everybody likes her. She is either the child of one of the main-characters or, if   
she is a bit older, becomes the lover of one of the characters'."  
"Check...and she chooses One Eye of all people. Doesn't that count for extra?"  
"Nope. 'In the end of the story she will either marry one of the characters, or die a heroic death and   
is mourned by all.'". Rogue raised an eyebrow. "Could we be so lucky that she actually dies?"  
"Sorry to break it to ya, darlin', but she marries Scooter and they live happily ever after", Logan   
said. He looked at Cyclops. "I almost feel sorry for you...almost."  
"I'm touched", Scott remarked sarcastically.  
"Okay", Jean said, grabbing the keyboard. "Is there _anything_ that isn't NC-17, Mary Sue or just   
generally sick?"  
Rogue took back the keyboard.  
"Umm...Angst?"  
"No. We get enough of that as it is - I *am* a Summers, after all," Jean explained.  
"Fair 'nuff. Okay...a fic with character death?"   
"Goddess, no!" Storm exclaimed. "The last time we read one, everyone was depressed for days!"  
"Ooookay...PWP?"   
"What?" Scott, Jean and Storm asked simultaneously.   
"It stands for 'Plot? What Plot?'" Logan said. "It's a porn...ehh...nevermind."  
Everyone looked at him.  
"What? Marie just reads a lot of fanfic, that's it", he tried to lie, actually blushing a little. Rogue   
elbowed him.  
"Whatever you say, Logan", Jean snickered.  
"How about some good ol' romance?" Rogue asked.  
"I've got all the romance I need right here", Scott said and kissed Jean.  
The three other X-men (and -woman) groaned and rolled their eyes.  
"Get a room!" Rogue said. Reluctantly, one pair of the resident lovebirds let go of each other.  
"You done? Good. How 'bout some humour?" The southern belle suggested.   
"Humour? That doesn't sound too bad", Jean admitted with a smile.  
"Hey, here's somethin'", Logan said. "An X-Men fanfic drinking game."  
"Not fair, Wolvie. Ya've got one heck of an advantage!" Rogue protested.  
"Well, one of us gotta be able to help the other in bed..."  
Rogue raised an eyebrow at Logan's suggestive voice.  
"Drinking game it is!" She quickly agreed.  
"Well, since there's nothing better to do..." Storm said. "Count me in."  
Jean and Scott traded a look.  
"Sure, we're on."  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
5 minutes later...  
  
"Okay, found a couple of long fics!" Jean declared.  
"How's the liquor goin', Marie?" Logan yelled through the door.  
Rogue and Storm came into the room, carrying a lot of bottles and some glasses. Behind them came   
Jubilee, Bobby, St. John and Kitty.  
"They wanted in, too", Storm informed.  
Logan shrugged.  
"Sure. The more, the merrier."   
Scott was about to say something about kids and drinking when Jean elbowed him, and he wisely   
stayed quiet.  
The now pretty large group grabbed their glasses and gathered on various couches and chairs.   
"Okay, everyone. Here're the rules. Anyone finds anything that's on the list, and we drink. Any   
questions?"   
Logan looked around. Apparently everyone got the message. Jean found the first fic and put it on a   
large screen. The game was about to begin.  
"I got the first! 'Rogue' is misspelled!" Kitty yelled. Everyone drank.  
Bobby pointed.  
"I've got another one!"  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
1 hour later...  
  
"And it's a Schummers!" Storm giggled. Everyone took a sip.  
"Another one? That makes..." St. John tried to count but failed miserably. "That makes a LOT of   
Summers!"  
"Or winters!" Jubilee snickered.  
"One more?" Logan groaned. "I need a drink!"  
"Let's aaaaaaaaaaall drink to that!" Bobby said and chugged.   
"And Rogie's in bed with Bob-by!!" Kitty giggled and pointed to the screen.  
"EWW!! Now *I* need a drink!" Rogue said and grabbed Logan's glass.  
"Oh, look! Someone hit Scott!" Jean exclaimed.  
Logan looked at the screen and grinned smugly.  
Everyone chugged.   
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
Another 30 minutes later...  
  
"MARY SCHUE!!!" Yelled Rogue and drank. The rest of the X-gang followed suit.   
"And sche's more powerful than AAAALL of us combai...combe...together!" St. John said.  
Another drink.  
"And she marries...she marries..." Kitty bravely tried to force out the words, but she tumbled down   
the couch in a fit of laughter.  
"Cyke!" Rogue managed to say, then she collapsed on Logan's lab, laughing so hard she had to put   
her glass down.  
Everyone chugged.  
"And she beats Logan!" Scott added gleefully.  
Everyone chugged again and by now also Jean was laughing.  
"An' her hair's perfect!" Jubilee giggled.  
Another drink.  
"And sche diesch hero...heri...bravely to save Storm's life!" Bobby laughed from somewhere under   
the table.  
"And..."  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
Yet another ½ hour later  
  
"Goddesssss! That'sch the...sec...second lady from Loooo-gan's pascht!" Storm managed to say   
between her giggles.  
Rogue, still on Logan's lab, pointed a unsteady finger at her love.  
"Doncha dare lookin'...at any other gals!" She ordered.  
Logan kissed her neck through the scarf.  
"Wouldn't dream of it, darlin'". He sent her a long glance as she started to giggle again, then   
smiled.  
"Okay, Marie. Let's get you to bed."  
Rogue giggled even more.  
"Anytime, Schugah!"  
Logan took Rogue in his arms and carried her out of the door. As he headed towards their room, he   
could hear one of the boys.  
"Let's change our namesch to the seX-Men!"   
Another one chimed in.  
"Or drunk-Men."   
General laughter.  
A woman's voice interrupted.  
"Or -Women!" She giggled.  
Logan shook his head to hide a grin and opened the door.   
Man, they were gonna regret it in the morning.  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
The following morning, around 8 Am.  
  
The Professor's telepathic message was met by a large number of massive hangovers. Xavier   
smiled. He couldn't help but finding it a little humorous.  
~ X-men, we have a situation here. Magneto has escaped. ~  
His only answer was a chorus of groans.  
  
  
The End...for now.   
Gimme feedback, or I'll give you a sequel! (Be afraid, be very afraid ;-)  



	2. The Search For Magneto, Pain-killers And...

Disclaimer: Me + Don't Own = Marvel + Don't Sue  
Author: Sorcieré  
Title: Fan Fiction II  
Genre: Sillyfic, total character assassination.  
Pairing: R/L, S/J  
Rating: Ehhh...PG? (Some bad words. Hangovers.)   
Feedback: Pu-Leah-zE??????????  
Mail addy: Hack_heaven@usa.net   
Dedicated to: Nadja, for her fics, and René for inspiration to the hangover-scenes. (Rene@krider.dk   
- there, I put your e-mail in the fic. You happy now? ;-)  
  
Part II of the Fan Fiction Series.  
This fic starts where Fan Fiction, part I stopped. (And if you thought part I was bad, just wait 'till   
you read this one! *eg*)  
  
*...* Indicates thoughts.  
~...~ Indicates telepathy.  
  
  
  
Fan Fiction, part II  
- Or "The Search for Magneto, Pain-Killers And A Way to Survive the Mother of All   
Hangovers..."  
  
(Previously on 'Fan Fiction':   
When we left the X-gang, they were feeling the consequences of a game of 'the X-Men Fan Fic   
Drinking Game'. Professor X mentally called for our rather hungover heroes, as Magneto had   
escaped from prison. Meanwhile, test-season is approaching for the students. And now, on to part   
II...)  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
Around 9 AM, in Logan and Rogue's room  
  
*Okay. Ah can do this. One eyelid at a time. Right eyelid first. Ah can do it...man, it weighs at least   
a ton!*  
Rogue slowly and painfully opened her eyes.  
"'Morning, darlin'!" Logan greeted her with unusual enthusiasm.   
Rogue put the pillow over her head.  
"Shut up, Logan, or Ah'm gonna puke on you!"  
Logan raised an eyebrow.  
"Feeling a little hangover coming your way?" He asked with a smirk. It wasn't really nice of him,   
but he just couldn't help it. There were certain advantages to a healing factor. Besides, he was   
_really_ looking forward to seeing Scooter. Judging from the amount of liquor the fearless leader   
had drunk last night, he was _not_ going to feel very good this morning. Actually, none of them   
were. The fact that bucket-head had escaped from prison just made things even more fun.  
"Ma-rieee..." Logan said.  
Rogue groaned and pulled the pillow closer.  
"Ma-rieee...I've got cof-feeee."   
With an inhuman endeavour Rogue managed to...well, not actually sit up, but close enough.  
"Gimme!" She ordered and weakly reached for the cup.  
Logan finally took pity on her and gave her the coffee.  
"So what'd the Professor want?" Rogue asked after having enjoyed a sip of the hot brew.  
Logan raised an eyebrow.  
"Ya heard him?"  
Rogue glared at him.  
"Well, unless ya suddenly turned homo on me, it's the only reason why ya would growl his name -   
and loud enough to wake me!  
"Sorry darlin'", Logan apologised. "He said that the X-Men are needed. We'll be meeting in the   
lower levels at 11 a.m."  
"Ya woke me up for that??" Rogue asked incredulously and took another sip of her coffee.  
"Actually, Bucket-head escaped", Logan clarified  
Rogue groaned.  
"Well, at least that means Ah won't have school for the next couple of days."   
Logan smirked.  
"Actually, you forget about your math-test tomorrow. Beast is staying behind to make sure none of   
you will miss it."  
_That_ got Rogue's attention.  
"Damn! Ah'd forgotten about that one!" She tossed away the blanket...or, rather, she tried to. The   
moment she moved her arm, a shock of pain made her moan and grab her head.  
"Ouch!" She whimpered.  
Logan handed her two painkillers, which she gratefully accepted.  
"If it's any comfort darlin', the others feel the exact same way", he said as Rogue gathered the   
blanket around her once more.  
"Ya sure?"  
Logan smirked as his enhanced hearing picked up the conversation next door.  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
Meanwhile, in the next room...  
  
"Jean, you're a doctor. Can't you make this stop?" Scott practically begged. He felt like a dozen or   
so Sentinels were dancing in a Congo-line inside his head. And the mental picture _that_ called up   
didn't exactly make things any better.  
"Scott, in case you haven't noticed, I'm feeling as hungover as you are", Jean said as she searched   
for a painkiller. Or two. *Or maybe just the whole damn bottle!* She thought. Being telepathic   
really didn't make a hangover pleasant. Not only did she feel her own misery, she got the rest of the   
gang's, too.   
"Aha!!" She grabbed the painkillers and somehow managed to find her way to the bathroom without   
throwing up.   
Scott whimpered. There was no way out. He was the Leader. He had to set a good example -   
despite the dozen now tap-dancing Sentinels in his head. In a superhuman (or in his case, a   
supermutant) endeavour, he lifted the blanket and whimpered in pain as a beam of sun hit his ruby-  
red shades.   
  
This was going to be a looooooooooong day...  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
In Bobby, St. John and Remy LeBeau's room, around 9.10 a.m....  
  
"Go away!" Bobby complained weakly as someone knocked on the door.  
"Ouch..." St. John whimpered. "Not so loud!"  
Remy looked at them and grinned. He'd been on a date the previous night, and was thus feeling a   
hell of a lot better than his hungover roommates.  
"Well, Mes Amis? What happened last night?" He asked.  
Bobby and St. John managed to look at each other.  
"Uhhh...Rogue an' Logan and the X-Men found a drinking game...and we convinced them to let us   
play, too...and then I don't really remember anything past that 'Mary Sue'", Bobby explained.  
He looked at St. John.  
"What happened after that?" The ice-hole asked, although he had a feeling he _really_ didn't want to   
know.  
"You suggested we changed our name to 'The Sex-Men'", St. John admitted. "And then I said 'The   
Drunk-Men' would fit better.  
As Remy broke down in laughter, Bobby buried his head in the pillow.  
Oh, man. They were never gonna live this one down...  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
Meanwhile, in Kitty and Jubilee's room...  
  
"Kit-Kat?"   
"Yeah...?"  
"Did we get roaring drunk last night?"  
"Yeah."  
"An' was it in front of the teachers?"  
"Yeah."  
"An' they were drunk too?"  
"Yeah."  
Pause.  
"Oh."  
Pause.  
"Jubes?"  
"Yeah?"  
"You seen the painkillers?"  
"I think Dr. Grey has some."   
"Then I'll have to get out of bed."  
"Yeah."  
Kitty tried to sit up, but it only resulted in her feeling even worse. She felt her stomach complain   
and quickly lay down again.  
"I'm never gonna survive today", she sighed.  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
Outside, a flash of lightning and the following roar of thunder proclaimed that Storm was awake   
and as hungover as the rest of them.  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
The Dining Hall, around 10.00 a.m.   
  
Logan, in a nauseatingly good mood, walked into the dining hall hand in hand with Marie. One look   
at the sorry excuse that usually called themselves 'the X-Men' made him smirk and with very   
exaggerated enthusiasm he sat down.  
"'Morning everyone! Great day, isn't it?" He asked.  
Marie groaned and put her head on his shoulders.  
The X-Men sent him a dirty look.  
Logan smirked again and grabbed a breakfast plate. Just to provoke, he made sure to get the food   
that would have the worst effect on his teammates.  
Scott sent the eggs on Logan's plate one look and turned a very interesting shade of green.  
"What's wrong, One-Eye?" Not feeling very well? Logan asked and put the fork in a piece of bacon.   
Scott didn't answer. He was pretty damn sure that if he'd tried, he'd have a reunion with the piece   
of toast he'd eaten.   
And that wouldn't be very leader-like.  
"Logan, get that food away from me, or ya'll be sleeping on the couch for the rest of the month!"   
Rogue threatened.   
For a moment Logan considered to leave the food where it was. But one look at Marie and he   
realised that she was serious. With a sigh he pushed the plate away and grabbed some bread instead.  
Man, he was whipped.  
Marie smiled at him and snuggled closer, but look up as the door opened.  
In came Kitty, Jubilee, Bobby and St. John - tired, hungover and looking like they'd become   
intimately familiar with the toilet.   
They sat down at the table.  
"I'm never, ever gonna drink again", Jubilee swore.  
General agreement around the table.  
"Damn ya healing factor, Wolvie", Rogue muttered. "It's not very nice of ya to be all happy an'   
smilin' when the rest of us are feelin' lahk shit."  
Logan smirked.   
"Well, I can't help if my mutation makes me immune to hangovers."   
He held out the plate with the bacon, eggs and sausages.   
"Anyone hungry?"  
St. John paled and fled to the toilet. Seconds later some very distinctive sounds could be heard from   
behind the door.  
Logan leaned back and grinned.  
This was even more fun than he'd expected.   
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
Later that day, in the Kitty and Jubilee's room  
  
"You know, we really should study for that test. You know Beast - his tests are hard as hell", St.   
John remarked.  
"Yeah, we _should_..." Kitty said.  
The others nodded. They really ought to study.   
No one opened their books.   
"That's...what? Like the fifth time or so we've said that in the last two hours?" Jubilee asked.  
"Somethin' lahk that", Rogue replied and looked at her watch. It'd been 4 hours since the team had   
left in search of Magneto. She sighed. Damn, she missed Logan.  
The sudden noise from an engine made Bobby jump up and hurry to the window.  
"Hey! They're back!"  
The students watched as the baseball-court rolled aside and the Blackbird landed.  
Rogue smiled widely and followed by her friends, she hurried to the hangar.  
  
First of out of the jet was Cyclops, looking very pale. After him came Jean and Ororo, leaning on   
each other. Last came Logan with the biggest shit-eating grin Rogue had ever seen.  
"Ya okay, sugah?" She asked worried as Logan reached her.   
The Wolverine grinned ever more.  
"Oh, don't worry, darlin'. I'm fine", he said and kissed Rogue through the scarf around her neck.  
Rogue pointed at the three other X-Men.  
"What happened?" She asked.  
Logan snickered. Cage-fighting badass Wolverine honest to God snickered.  
"The Fearless Leader found out that it's a bad idea to fight when you've got the mother of all   
hangovers."  
Rogue raised an eyebrow.  
"Storm tried to hit Toad with lightning, but the thunder gave her a headache. Jeanie telepathically   
gave Mystique a hangover but had to sit down 'cause she got dizzy, and later she puked in the   
Blackbird. Not to mention Scooter, who couldn't hit magnet-boy despite the fact he was less than 5   
meters away. Bucket-head almost pissed his pants laughing, so we could just pick him up and dump   
him in his plastic-cage", Logan explained with a smirk.   
Rogue laughed so hard she could barely breathe.   
"Gawd! An' Ah thought _we_ had it bad!"  
Behind them the three X-Men in question slowly and painfully made their way to their rooms.  
"Hey!" Logan yelled gleefully. "How 'bout we play a drinking game later?"  
The only response was a roar of thunder.  
Logan grinned.  
Life was good.  
  
  
The End. (Yes, the last part probably sux - but I'm tired and I still have some gift-wrapping to do.   
Blame my family ;-) 


End file.
